GRANNY GRACE - Hermosa Beach CA

  Every visit has been special in it's own unique way, however, today was a visit that I'd been looking forward to with eager anticipation since the beginning of planning this escapade. 

 



Granny Grace and Juliann



Shortly after Andrew's passing, I received a beautiful letter from a lady named Grace.  A courageous woman who understands very well the grief that comes along with burying a husband.  She has been a widow for the past 20 years after her dear Bob passed as a result of a stroke in his 60s.  We share in widowhood as well as each being a mother to 4 resilient children.  Grace's outreach to me when I began this journey into widowhood was a tender mercy and a saving grace (pun totally intended).  She understood the value of lifting another up and the joy that comes into your own life by doing so.

 

   

 

That first letter from Grace was the beginning of a wonderful friendship, fueled by letters written back and forth; signed, sealed, and delivered.  She is my cherished pen-pal and I've been anxious to be able to wrap my arms around her and give her the embrace that previously had been shared only as an "XOXO" salutation via pen and paper.

 



Granny Grace, Choice, and Juliann



We were welcomed into the assisted living facility and shown back to the room Grace knows as home.  The door was open and she was awaiting our arrival.  As we walked in, she and her son Chris greeted us with a smile.  Chris assisted Grace in getting up from her chair so she and I could share our first hug. 

Granny Grace and Juliann

With my arms around her, she shed many tears and a sense of emotionally charged joy rushed through the room.  She was every bit as lovely and inviting as I imagined she would be.  It was as if we'd always known one another.



Shiloh, Granny Grace, Tate, Juliann, Ryder, and Choice

Grace is known among her family and friends as "Granny Grace".  Early on in our friendship, she kindly suggested the kids and I adopt that same name for her.  Granny Grace has become a common household name in the Ashcraft home as every birthday and holiday welcomes a card from her in the mail.  She thinks of us on the special days as well as the difficult ones.  Newspaper clippings regarding our family or the Yarnell tragedy, light-hearted magazine articles that brought a smile to her face, updated family photos of her with her four children and many grandchildren, are among the items we receive from Granny Grace.  This allows us to celebrate with one another on our highs and support one another during our lows. 



Shiloh, Granny Grace, Juliann, Tate, Ryder, and Choice

I've learned from Grace, as a seasoned widow whom I admire, that grief is an integral part of growth.  There are no short cuts.  It is imperative to feel the depth of it's cruelty and conquer the mountains of its sorrow.  Grief is not a disorder, a disease, or a sign of weakness.  It is an emotional, physical, and spiritual necessity...the price you pay for love.  The only cure for grief is to grieve.  We would be wise not to be awaiting the end of grief.  It's not about being "done" with it, it's about learning to live again within it.

Granny Grace's strength was obvious to all of us.  The children gravitated to her as she advised them to be happy and make the most of themselves.  She chatted with them about their birthdays and their hobbies.  She is as sharp as a tack at the youthful age of 89.

Granny Grace and Ryder

The kids had a few gifts they were eager to give to Granny Grace.  They'd each painted a picture for her...

Granny Grace, Ryder, Tate, Juliann, and Shiloh

Wrote personalized messages to her on a picture frame for her room...

Granny Grace, Ryder, Tate, Juliann, Shiloh, and Choice

And picked out flowers for her to place by her bedside...

Juliann with Granny Grace's flowers

In addition, we were happy to share a Be Better Band with her as she's come to be very familiar with the story of Andrew's band and the correlating message of encouragement.  

Granny Grace, Ryder, Choice, Shiloh, and Juliann

What a treasure it was as Grace shared with us the compilation of news clippings, articles, photographs, and letters she has seen regarding our family or from us.  She had them carefully filed away and got them out to show them to us during our visit.

Tate, Granny Grace, Ryder, and Shiloh

Ryder, Granny Grace, and Juliann

Our bellies reminded us that it was time to take Granny Grace to lunch.  We followed her and Chris to her favorite restaurant by the pier.  Chris was a real trooper with the munchkins.  He has four kids of his own, 3 boys and 1 girl just like we do.  He was the perfect balance of playful and chivalrous.  Granny Grace raised him right...I sure hope my boys were making mental notes.

Ryder, Choice, Chris (Grace's son), and Shiloh

Shiloh and Chris (Grace's son)



Ryder and Chris (Grace's son)

Chris' fun-loving personality must have been learned by observing his mother.  I certainly grinned ear to ear as I witnessed her giving Tate and Choice rides on her walker around the restaurant.



Choice, Tate, and Granny Grace



Tate, Granny Grace, Chris (Grace's son), and Ryder

There is no disputing that she is the life of the party! 

Granny Grace and Juliann

However, she created many moments during our time together for genuine reflection and opportunities to share the great wisdom she's acquired over the years.  With me she expressed her desire for me to find complete happiness and fulfill whatever potential I have inside of me, without letting tragedy define me.

Granny Grace and Juliann

 



Granny Grace and Juliann

She taught the kids the importance of budgeting their money and saving for a rainy day.  She gave each one of them a dollar and explained that she was giving them 100 pennies...and that they must find a way to spend it, or save it, in a meaningful way. 

 

Ryder and Granny Grace

Juliann, Choice, and Granny Grace

Ryder and Shiloh

It was evident that we had adopted Granny Grace and Chris into our family and were claiming them as our own.  We received love, compassion, and adoration from them both.

Chris (Grace's son), Ryder, Granny Grace, Choice, Shiloh, Juliann, and Tate

The afternoon flew by far too quickly.  Even though I could have visited with Granny Grace forever, it was time to say goodbye and relieve her of the commotion that accompanies four small children.  We made certain that it was "See you later" and not "Goodbye".  We will return for another visit as soon as possible.




Choice, Tate, Chris (Grace's son), Shiloh, Ryder, and Granny Grace

I've thought on the advice of Grace all evening.  She too is a widow, with 20 years in the bucket and a level of strength attained by years of facing the difficulty of widowhood face on.  In my mind, I compare it to learning the guitar.  When first learning to play the guitar, not only will practice be necessary before the sound is a pleasant one, but it can also be a painful process.  The tips of the fingers are not used to the wear and tear that this new hobby requires.  Relief of that pain comes only after you continually practice and develop calluses on those once unmarked fingertips.  You see, it is only in being broken down that the ability to endure the pain develops.  Whether you see that lesson in the metaphor of playing guitar, or weightlifting, you must tear down the muscle to rebuild it into something much stronger.

Granny Grace has beautiful calluses on the fingertips of a widow well into the process of healing.  She loves her sweet Bob and spoke of him with tenderness and love.  Yet, she smiled at the mention of his name without the shedding of sorrowful tears.  She not only appreciated the love that they shared but understands the reason that her life plan played out the way that it did. 

Grace, I love you.  I admire you and your strength to face the difficulties that come from picking yourself up and dusting yourself off after tragedy.  And, today I say to you...HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.  I know Bob is watching over you today and wishing he could be celebrating 61 years of marriage with his sweetheart.  I am honored that I was able to share my day with you and learn from your courage and determination.  Thank you for teaching me how to no longer FEAR the FUTURE...